I'm a Tree
Today I was thinking about the meaning of the “tree of life.” There’s the evolutionary tree, Adam and Eve’s tree, and the family tree; all sprouting from origins and history so rich we couldn’t possibly fathom their depths. But there we are hanging from our branch, nurtured by the cultural and biological sap of our ancestors. And the beauty is we can swing free to be ourselves. I like to think that the best life I could have would be like a tree. Everything I do stemming from my deeply-rooted values in love, appreciation, and respect for myself and for others. I imagine my branches strong and straight with the commitment and passion I put into all the diverse aspects of my life. I strive to see the fruition of my efforts, bobbing bright and sweet for the world to taste. Education and conversation are the enlightenment I need, happiness the water for my body, mind and soul. With these elements I grow, putting down a new ring with each experience and person I meet - even those rings etched in pain. The roots seem silent compared to the twiggy fingers clapping in the breeze - hidden away like memories while new leaves are sprouting like an endless spring. The distance is but an illusion. I know everything I am determines where I go and everything I do affects who I am. A tree I will be.
Define Yourself
We live in an age where calculators do our math, the thesaurus enriches our words, and our thinking is influenced by the media more so than our own minds. An age where we live vicariously through celebrities and reality stars, we turn on noise whenever possible to drown our thoughts, and our conversations have shifted from talking about ideas to talking about each other. These occurrences have grown into such trends that it raises concerns about the future of the human mind. A machine made to think, imagine, deepen, and grow to make its person the best they can be. Exercising the mind is similar to exercising the body in that it’s a lifestyle that requires effort, practice, and routine. Call this statement dramatic but I think obesity of the body and anorexia of the mind are simultaneous epidemics in the 21st century. As someone who has had teaching experience in the middle school, high school, and undergraduate classrooms, I have seen the effects of unengaged, road-blocked minds. Younger generations are losing their abilities to think critically, problem solve, and be thorough. Ask me why I think education in America is on a downward trend and I blame it on the loss of the engaged mind. This problem has descended in large part from the deterioration of the family unit. Adults need to set an example to the younger generations on how to enrich the mind by modeling reading, writing, learning, exercising, thinking independently etc. Unfortunately, adults are taking less and less responsibility for this role and, quite frankly, for their age. Teachers can only do so much for a child who wants to cut every corner they can and whose mind is molded the wrong way outside of school.
Our minds are more complicated than we can imagine and our subconscious deeper than we could dream. I figure if I have to live with myself for the rest of my life, I should at least spend considerable time and energy trying to understand the intricacies of my mind and thought processes. For some people, life is just too busy to stop and think. I'm not referring to thoughts about what's for dinner or where the weekend will take you, but deeper, introspective thinking. Even in times that could be spent being introspective, people tend to distract themselves with the technologies of our age. Sometimes it’s too painful for people to deal with thoughts because usually the first ones that arise are the painful or undesired ones, so they just compartmentalize not knowing that the sides are usually all broken and affecting other parts of their lives. But once you dwell deep into the “bad ones,” your subconscious emerges and you’re amazed at what you find out about human nature, both internally and externally. You can live that much better because you are past it; clearer, smarter, happier, and mentally tougher.
I believe that a deeper foundation in self-understanding and the regular pursuit of knowledge and wisdom are key for not only self-improving, but for inspiring the best from others. Some of my beliefs germinated from my own thoughts, but most are seeded by the many people I run into. These people can be anyone from friends and family, to neutral college instructors, to strangers who write the books I read. I’ve tried to be open and eager to learn from everyone whose life path has crossed with my own. Constantly sorting, storing and weaving information until I’ve built the framework for my life. That includes looking for depth in everything I do, seeking out challenges, seeking out people who can teach me things, and looking for the beauty in situations where it isn’t obvious.
I am not meaning to sound self-righteous. In fact, these words are really just a New Year’s self-reminder of my own personal beliefs and expectations; expectations that seem to have slipped in my adjustment to a new busy life (PhD) in a new place (Florida). A reminder that even though not everything is going perfectly, I have to take my own advice and find the beauty and the lessons. I am not only a sum of my experiences, but I am the sum of what I have decided to take out of those experiences. I define myself.
Our minds are more complicated than we can imagine and our subconscious deeper than we could dream. I figure if I have to live with myself for the rest of my life, I should at least spend considerable time and energy trying to understand the intricacies of my mind and thought processes. For some people, life is just too busy to stop and think. I'm not referring to thoughts about what's for dinner or where the weekend will take you, but deeper, introspective thinking. Even in times that could be spent being introspective, people tend to distract themselves with the technologies of our age. Sometimes it’s too painful for people to deal with thoughts because usually the first ones that arise are the painful or undesired ones, so they just compartmentalize not knowing that the sides are usually all broken and affecting other parts of their lives. But once you dwell deep into the “bad ones,” your subconscious emerges and you’re amazed at what you find out about human nature, both internally and externally. You can live that much better because you are past it; clearer, smarter, happier, and mentally tougher.
I believe that a deeper foundation in self-understanding and the regular pursuit of knowledge and wisdom are key for not only self-improving, but for inspiring the best from others. Some of my beliefs germinated from my own thoughts, but most are seeded by the many people I run into. These people can be anyone from friends and family, to neutral college instructors, to strangers who write the books I read. I’ve tried to be open and eager to learn from everyone whose life path has crossed with my own. Constantly sorting, storing and weaving information until I’ve built the framework for my life. That includes looking for depth in everything I do, seeking out challenges, seeking out people who can teach me things, and looking for the beauty in situations where it isn’t obvious.
I am not meaning to sound self-righteous. In fact, these words are really just a New Year’s self-reminder of my own personal beliefs and expectations; expectations that seem to have slipped in my adjustment to a new busy life (PhD) in a new place (Florida). A reminder that even though not everything is going perfectly, I have to take my own advice and find the beauty and the lessons. I am not only a sum of my experiences, but I am the sum of what I have decided to take out of those experiences. I define myself.
The Fox and My Hound
I lean back against a young forest sapling and feel it mold to the curve of my spine. I might as well get as comfortable as possible because my dog is about to run off in pursuit of some unknown creature and who knows how long he will be gone. Right now I watch him swivel and pant wildly with his nose on the ground, elated to have discovered the animal's trail. I do not command him to heal because his nose has taken away his abilities to hear, or so he will have me believe. I'm in no hurry, and besides, it would be a shame to scare off the other wildlife that I can watch while he is gone. Just as I suspect he darts off down the hill and crashes through the underbrush with his tail making complete 360s in extension of his excitement.
I imagine the pursued grinning underneath their whiskers at the stupidity of my mutt; so loud, clumsy and easily avoidable - too pampered to know how carelessness like his could get him killed in these deep winter forests. I envision it having fun leading him astray and so I try to settle in a bit more. I let my neck fall back in line and rest against the young bark. Not too bad with the beanie adding a little cushion. There is enough wind today to rustle the clumps of leaves and click the twiggy fingers of the trees. I look to the sky. Every now and then the clouds and trees move together like an eclipse to allow a stream of light to reach me. Now that I have stopped walking, the cold bite of a winter morning begins to seep through my clothes.
He must have wandered far because I haven't heard the crunching of dried leaves underneath his big brown paws for some time; this animal must be quite the treasure. By default, my first thought was that he was following the white tail of a doe that is so common around here but now I am not so sure. My speculating is put to rest when I see a red fluffy tail as thick as my waist leap over the ridge. Unbeknown to my presence, the vixen’s white breast leaps and bounds towards me. As I watch her move so gracefully and quietly I feel as though I have been transported from a cloudy drab forest to the beach. Her paws land on the dead leaves as if they were sand and all the obstacles rampant of woodland disappear with her sleek movements. She is the color of the sunrise, and like magic seems to lighten and heat the very spot where I stand. Her ears twist as my scent reaches her pointy nose and she makes a wide path around me, over the crest and like the setting sun she is gone. I am standing in the dark hibernating forest again.
Soon I hear the crashing of my dog and see him detouring around the logs and thorn bushes that the fox seemed to fly through just moments before. I smile at the thought of the vixen leading the stupid hound back to where he belongs after she’s tired him out and made him look like a fool. I cut him off and command him to heal now that his hearing has returned. His long fur has collected some burs and spiny souvenirs that take me several minutes to disentangle. Excellent reproductive strategy, plants. My dog’s drooping tail and heavy panting inform me that he has less complicated things on his mind. Food. Water. Sleep. After my bur wrestling, we began our trek back to the big cape cod on the left.
I hadn't been looking forward to the morning walk after peering out of the window in my warm pajamas and seeing my breath on the glass. But even being surrounded by cold organic rust, I saw something beautiful and worthwhile on our daily walk. The vixen reminded me that there is something beautiful in every day even if every day isn't beautiful. My pup plops down into a rain-filled pothole and drinks. Great. He springs up and tries to give me a wet, sloppy, muddy kiss. I shoo him away and smile. He is one of many glowing embers in my heart - not like the bright flash of the vixen. Less beautiful, less dramatic, but he loves me and is always there for me. In this moment I make a promise to myself to try and always remember the many glowing embers in my life because they can easily be taken for granted - both in the presence and in the absence of flashy vixens. Another day another lesson learned from my big furry son. With all your faults, I love you Mantis.
I imagine the pursued grinning underneath their whiskers at the stupidity of my mutt; so loud, clumsy and easily avoidable - too pampered to know how carelessness like his could get him killed in these deep winter forests. I envision it having fun leading him astray and so I try to settle in a bit more. I let my neck fall back in line and rest against the young bark. Not too bad with the beanie adding a little cushion. There is enough wind today to rustle the clumps of leaves and click the twiggy fingers of the trees. I look to the sky. Every now and then the clouds and trees move together like an eclipse to allow a stream of light to reach me. Now that I have stopped walking, the cold bite of a winter morning begins to seep through my clothes.
He must have wandered far because I haven't heard the crunching of dried leaves underneath his big brown paws for some time; this animal must be quite the treasure. By default, my first thought was that he was following the white tail of a doe that is so common around here but now I am not so sure. My speculating is put to rest when I see a red fluffy tail as thick as my waist leap over the ridge. Unbeknown to my presence, the vixen’s white breast leaps and bounds towards me. As I watch her move so gracefully and quietly I feel as though I have been transported from a cloudy drab forest to the beach. Her paws land on the dead leaves as if they were sand and all the obstacles rampant of woodland disappear with her sleek movements. She is the color of the sunrise, and like magic seems to lighten and heat the very spot where I stand. Her ears twist as my scent reaches her pointy nose and she makes a wide path around me, over the crest and like the setting sun she is gone. I am standing in the dark hibernating forest again.
Soon I hear the crashing of my dog and see him detouring around the logs and thorn bushes that the fox seemed to fly through just moments before. I smile at the thought of the vixen leading the stupid hound back to where he belongs after she’s tired him out and made him look like a fool. I cut him off and command him to heal now that his hearing has returned. His long fur has collected some burs and spiny souvenirs that take me several minutes to disentangle. Excellent reproductive strategy, plants. My dog’s drooping tail and heavy panting inform me that he has less complicated things on his mind. Food. Water. Sleep. After my bur wrestling, we began our trek back to the big cape cod on the left.
I hadn't been looking forward to the morning walk after peering out of the window in my warm pajamas and seeing my breath on the glass. But even being surrounded by cold organic rust, I saw something beautiful and worthwhile on our daily walk. The vixen reminded me that there is something beautiful in every day even if every day isn't beautiful. My pup plops down into a rain-filled pothole and drinks. Great. He springs up and tries to give me a wet, sloppy, muddy kiss. I shoo him away and smile. He is one of many glowing embers in my heart - not like the bright flash of the vixen. Less beautiful, less dramatic, but he loves me and is always there for me. In this moment I make a promise to myself to try and always remember the many glowing embers in my life because they can easily be taken for granted - both in the presence and in the absence of flashy vixens. Another day another lesson learned from my big furry son. With all your faults, I love you Mantis.
Sunflowers
I love sunflowers because...
They are bright enough to make the sun envious. Happy.
They retain poise and grace even when they are the whale of all flowers God made for this earth. Class.
They stand tall and strong no matter what the weather is like outside. Positive.
They reach out their inviting arms indiscriminately. Love.
They display their huge brown bellies without shame. Self-love.
They reign in the fall when everything around them is slowly fading. Living.
They love to grace our Thanksgiving tables. Family.
I love sunflowers because they remind me of the kind of person I want to be.
They are bright enough to make the sun envious. Happy.
They retain poise and grace even when they are the whale of all flowers God made for this earth. Class.
They stand tall and strong no matter what the weather is like outside. Positive.
They reach out their inviting arms indiscriminately. Love.
They display their huge brown bellies without shame. Self-love.
They reign in the fall when everything around them is slowly fading. Living.
They love to grace our Thanksgiving tables. Family.
I love sunflowers because they remind me of the kind of person I want to be.
When you Feel
A poem I wrote when I was 12 :)
When you feel as lonely as a single star
In the vast blackness of space feeling cold and blue
Remember star, you are surrounded by those who love you
Out there shines your friends, your family, your nation
And you are part of this beautiful constellation
When you feel as plain as a slab of marble stone
Others seeming to surpass in talent, beauty and more
Remember stone, you are an individual and a child of God
And only when you become your own Michelangelo
Will others be able to see the Statue of David you hold inside
When you feel as tired and worn as your grandfather’s slipper
Your sole losing tread in the fast pace of life,
Remember slipper, your work is making a difference
And because you’ve remained steadfast and true
You are now Papi’s most trusted and comfortable shoe
When you feel as misplaced as a hatching turtle
Spitting up sand and stalked by a seagull
Remember turtle, everyone must find their way in the world
So fight the odds and follow your instincts
And you will find your own great barrier reef
When you feel as lonely as a single star
In the vast blackness of space feeling cold and blue
Remember star, you are surrounded by those who love you
Out there shines your friends, your family, your nation
And you are part of this beautiful constellation
When you feel as plain as a slab of marble stone
Others seeming to surpass in talent, beauty and more
Remember stone, you are an individual and a child of God
And only when you become your own Michelangelo
Will others be able to see the Statue of David you hold inside
When you feel as tired and worn as your grandfather’s slipper
Your sole losing tread in the fast pace of life,
Remember slipper, your work is making a difference
And because you’ve remained steadfast and true
You are now Papi’s most trusted and comfortable shoe
When you feel as misplaced as a hatching turtle
Spitting up sand and stalked by a seagull
Remember turtle, everyone must find their way in the world
So fight the odds and follow your instincts
And you will find your own great barrier reef